yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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