i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
