My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
