So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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