I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
