I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
