girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
