There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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