bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
