Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
