Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is classic penis vs brain.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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