Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
