is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Randomize
