I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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