He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
