I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
