the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
