and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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