I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
