So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
