why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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