Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
