Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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