My first STD was from a foam party
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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