She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
