if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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