i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
