I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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