at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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