Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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