brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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