Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
