We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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