How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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