Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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