im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
