I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
