dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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