Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
