I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
