somebody snuck up and got me drunk
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
should my penis look like a turkey
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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