I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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