This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
