Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
