Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
