I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im part way to drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
