This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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