Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
