I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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