Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
