Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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